My #1 Rapport Building Tip for Adolescents
Disclaimer: This newsletter provides general advice for educational and entertainment purposes only, it is not intended to be professional therapeutic or medical advice. Please speak with a registered mental health professional or book a session here to receive professional support.
Hey - This blog post is from my professional newsletter.
The Professional Cocoon is for fellow professionals working with young people, every fortnight I share my latest tips and insights for you to use in your practice with young people this week.
What’s the latest news on young people..
What I Think About the Proposed
Social Media Ban for Those Under 16
Here is my take and professional recommendations as a therapist specialising in youth,
after working with 100’s of teens who are on social media.
I am really excited this is in the public discourse and the government is taking young peoples
afety and mental health seriously.
But, the practicality of this bandaid solution?
I’m not so convinced…
If you’ve worked with teens before, you will know that these two things don’t work…
1. Banning things
This is a bandaid solution and a missed opportunity for discussions that actually implement growth for our teens, so that they can learn the SKILLS to navigate their own mental health and boundaries with social media. Banning things tears this opportunity away, and also makes it more likely for them to have a negative emotional reaction and defy the “ban” anyway.
2. Telling them they’re not allowed to do something
Hint: they’ll figure out a way to do it, driven even more by something being “taboo” and “naughty”. It’s in line with their developmental stage to push boundaries and form their own identity - don’t blame them!
They’ll still find a way to do it.
And it’s a damn missed opportunity for teaching skills to our teens.
When Twitter continues to allow pornography to be posted freely, and it could be as easy as a simple lie about what year you’re born when signing up for an account..
Teens will continue to access social media.
It is clear these policies are not informed by professionals who are educated in these fields, or guided by any research to create effective policies that keep our teens safe.
So what DO we need?
What DOES help keep our teens safe when they have a terrifying amount of access to everything ever on the internet, when their brains aren’t fully developed?
1. Conversation.
Talking to our teens.
Educating ourselves on what the dangers are, and having open conversations with our young people to understand why they enjoy social media, what they feel they’d miss out on if they disengaged, what need social media use is meeting that could be met better in real life (likely a need for connection).
When we slap our adult judgement on teen issues and ban things, this is a giant missed opportunity and does nothing to teach or support teens with the real issues lying underneath excessive social media use.
We give them no opportunity to analyse themselves, reflect on self awareness or make decisions. Which are all imperative parts of becoming a mentally healthy, happy adult.
2. Community support.
Ideally, teens should receive support from their families.
Open, warm support with appropriate boundaries for their safety on their journey to being a healthy adult.
Some families can’t or won’t do that.
So, we need community support. Our young people are isolated.
They likely only have the support of their friends, who also may not really know what to do with all of this new social media world we are still navigating as adults!
If you have a young person in your life - whether that’s professional or personal - bring this stuff up.
I urge you to understand them first.
Then be curious about how you can work as a TEAM to keep them safe, keep them having fun and connected.
* Quick little note, I DO believe we need legal restrictions around children under 18 using social media.
However, it needs further refining with informed approaches integrated into policy to make it actually viable and helpful.
Inside my sessions with young people this week..
Rapport building 101.
This weeks qu is..
”I feel like I used to be able to socialise with a group of people flawlessly but now I have doubts and anxieties about it, how do I cope with this?”
❤️
I want to share helpful strategy that I used this week with a 😒 resistant client to hack rapport building.
If you have a resistant client or even a shy client, you’ll know what it’s like to be trying your best to form a connection with a warm energy whilst simultaneously cringing inside, so desperately wanting to crack the surface.
The trick that never fails me?
Getting on their level.
It is just like battling a rip in the ocean current, if you fight against the resistance and push - you will never “win” as a clinician.
At best, the young person won’t care but you will get frustrated and tire yourself out.
At worst, the young person is repelled even further and the relationship will be very hard to get back.
So.. how do we roll with them and find some connection without forcing it?
Follow me..
Here’s a recreation of what I did in session this week.
“So, what are your ideas for what you want to work on in therapy?”
😒 “I don’t know”
“Hm.. it’s hard to know what to expect and what we want sometimes.
I know mum booked you in to work on your anxiety, do you agree or not really?”
😒 “I don’t know, i’m fine”
“Okay cool, you know we can just see how we go for a few sessions and you can make a call if this is worth your time or not.
I won’t force you…
But what I DO want to know is how you got your hair that colour/what you think about this issue/what your school is like with this issue”
…
😒 😒 😒
The young person then unravelled into sharing their opinions and perspectives on a passionate topic that kept us busy for the rest of the session, allowing for them to feel passionate, safe and get into their safe zone to build a warm connection with me.
Through this, I was able to show them I was a warm, friendly adult who understood some elements and was open and interested in their perspective in other elements.
I got to show them me and they got to show me them.
Try to distract while rapport building.
If they enjoy art or music, involve it so that the client can look at something else while they are speaking.
Show passionate interest in them, not their “mental health issue”.
The rest of the magic therapeutic work will unfold from the rapport building.
Do you struggle with rapport building with teen clients? 🙄
Join me + a small collection of fellow likeminded mental health professionals for a
3 hr masterclass to explore
rapport building, client resistance and how to expertly navigate modern teen issues in 2024!
Here’s what one of our treasured past attendees had to say:
“I really took a lot away from today which I can now use in my practice.
I think the framework Ellie has created is wonderful and I LOVE the concept behind Cocoon.”
Nailing Adolescent Counselling:
Small Group Masterclass
Spaces are filling up quickly and this group will not run again until 2025.
Save your spot now!
Friday, 26 July 2024
10:00 am - 1:00 pm, 3 CPD hours (attendance certificate provided)
For counsellors, social workers, psychologists and related professionals working with teens.
Feeling lost or unsupported in working with adolescents?
Or know a colleague or someone on your team who could use some extra individualised support?
I have created a small, intimate group masterclass with all of my best strategies and approaches for professionals to explore the key foundational frameworks and strategies to work with teens.
Teens are a very special population with unique presentations and issues, and require a specialised approach that we were not taught in our generalised training.
Join us for 3 hours of learning and applying specialised strategies to in-depth case studies and discuss what you are struggling with at the moment with 1-1 coaching to dive deep and leave you feeling confident and empowered in caring for adolescents.
I’m Ellie.
Bachelor of Arts (Psych.), Master of Counselling
I am a specialist in adolescent therapy, after specialising in both my degrees, clinical placements and further training in adolescent, youth and family therapy. I run Professional Development trainings and workshops for fellow therapists working with teen counselling.
I specialise in Youth Trauma and Grief, with comprehensive additional training in family therapy, child and adolescent counselling, supervised by Sydney's leading family and child therapists and organisations.
I now run an online practice where I see clients, create content and workshops, as well as educate fellow professionals in adolescent counselling through professional development trainings and lecturing in adult tertiary education.
Have a qu or want to chat? I’d love to connect!
Connect on linkedin or send me an email