Anxiety and Overwhelm: A Guide for Increasing Low Confidence
This blog post is from my weekly free therapy newsletter, where I answer an anonymous question and send a free therapy exercise and/or strategy to address a problem.
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Thursday
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Disclaimer: This newsletter provides general advice for educational and entertainment purposes only, it is not intended to be professional therapeutic or medical advice. Please speak with a registered mental health professional or book a session here to receive professional support.
This week is about:
Your anxiety is deeper than you think.
Hey Friends,
When I was 20 I went on uni exchange in the UK.
I didn’t know one single soul in the Northern Hemisphere and at the time, I was a really anxious girl.
But I really wanted to go and travel… kinda like my future, older self was pulling my strings like a puppet - making me sign up for adventures that made no real sense to my anxious brain. Soooo I booked it all within a day or so of feeling inspired to go.
Obviously, then I had to deal with the aftermath of, like… actually going (awkward).
I got off a 24 hour flight in Paris and realised I was alone, it was 6am, I don’t speak a word of French and nobody is going to help me (especially in Paris, let’s be real).
Over the next 6 months I did so many things that I never thought I could do.
The travels and new friends were cool, but 8 years later you want to know what has stuck with me?
The fact that I showed myself that no matter what, I have me.
Things might occasionally (frequently) go to shit, I might not know what to do most of the time and on the worst days it feels like my life is over…
But I walked out of that experience never to feel anxiety and overwhelm the same..
🌝
❤️
This weeks qu is..
”What does it mean if I get super overwhelmed and anxious about deadlines
or just the pressure of feeling like I have to do a certain task/job/make a decision/etc.
to the point of feeling paralysed?
And then how do I fix this in myself?”
When we are feeling anxious and overwhelmed by work, study, something social or the future, two things could usually be at play here simultaneously.
The first is surface level and the second is deep.
First off - Perceived threat and pressure leads everyone to respond in different ways.
I’m sure you’ve hear about fight/flight/freeze/fawn responses, so I won’t bore you to tears harping on about them! A quick google can tell you more if you’re like “um, what?”.
From a biological level, when there’s intense perceived pressure or a “threat”, your hormones change, blood starts pumping and for a lot of us - that results in playing dead as a survival strategy.. not fighting the tiger.
Hence the whole overwhelmed frozen thing.
Regulation tools to bring you back to baseline are going to be key here to bring your body and brain back online, here are some to start with.
But it’s the second part, the deeper, more entrenched part of us that is usually perpetuating the issue that we are going to focus on today.
Why?
Because it’s the hardest part to change, and I want to help you shift it.
👀
When I hear “i’m overwhelmed and feel pressure so I freeze”…
I also hear..
”I can’t cope”.
Underlying a lot of our anxiety is low confidence with a sprinkle of low perceived capacity to get through the thing and be okay.
AKA a whoooole lotta underlying, tectonic plates under your anxiety with “I can’t do it” written all over them.
It’s not that your most confident self never feels anxious or overwhelmed, they likely do too! But they have a deep rooted sense of knowing in their bones that once they pause for a sec, take a minute, create a bit of a plan, get some more support…
They can freaking do it and no matter how it turns out, they are still worthy.
I reaaaally want you to experience that deep confidence and backing yourself, so let’s chat how we’ll do that!
🪐 THE EXERCISE 🪐
The next time you’re anxious or overwhelmed, follow the steps below.
How can I ground or soothe myself right now?
You do your worst thinking when you’re panicking. Regulation first, analysis second.What would this mean about me if it all went wrong?
Would I be stupid, a failure, a dork?Do I genuinely feel incapable?
Am I unsupported in my job? Can I get support elsewhere? Can I structure things to feel more safe?Or do I feel I am incapable at some level anyway, and this would confirm that fear?
Sorry… that was a brutal prediction but it may be true..How can I make one small (!!) move toward the thing/situation/conversation to get momentum out of my freeze/overwhelm?
BABY STEPS!How can I show myself through DOING that I am capable?
eg. That one little thing then the next little thing then when it’s all done… REFLECT ON HOW COOL AND CAPABLE YOU ARE!Know that your worth is not reflected by the success or failure of this thing.
This thing is going to go how it’s going to go.
Do your little part.
Do not (please!) take the outcome as a reflection on you.
Anxiety’s favourite food is feeling incapable.
Starve it by showing yourself you are capable.
Lots of love,
Ellie
💡 If you’d like extra support with anxiety, pressure, confidence and all the fun stuff in between..
Here are 4 options to keep the growth going!
1. Let’s go deeper in a 1-1 therapy session to customise therapy for you and what you need!
Book a session online, or get in touch ellie@cocoonmentalhealth.com if you have any qu’s ahead of our session - always happy to chat!
2. Have you got a bursting qu or issue you want some help with?
💌Submit it for next weeks newsletter!
3. Stay tuned on this newsletter for future offerings, i’ve got some fun things in the works for mid-late 2024… (groups! journals! guides!).
4. Extra reading/listening…
Two resources for you if you’re more of a solo learner.
Dealing with anxious and stressful thoughts in 5 steps - Do You F*king Mind
DBT tips for regulating yourself when overwhelmed to get out outta freeze —> calm zone so you can think clearly
Thank you so much for being here.
After experiencing it myself,
I really want you to create the fun, fulfilling life that you deserve after healing.