Why can’t we just let ourselves REST without guilt or anxiety, dammit?!
This week is about:
Your inability to let yourself rest and why it’s a recipe for disaster.
Disclaimer: This newsletter provides general advice for educational and entertainment purposes only, it is not intended to be professional therapeutic or medical advice. Please speak with a registered mental health professional or book a session here to receive professional support.
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Hey Friends,
If you feel guilty or lazy or anxious for taking some much needed rest (when you’re sick, on the weekend, on holidays)..
I have things to say to you.
Sit down.
(without feeling guilty if you can)
and listen up.
Because you’re worth more and life is worth more than being a productive machine until the day you die.
❤️
I wouldn’t have found this heavenly pastry if I didn’t take a holiday and rested.
So…
Do with that what you will.
By doing other things in life (like rest, being more sustainable with your energy) --> you increase likelihood for joy in other areas of your life.
It becomes multidimensional, as you and your happiness are.
This weeks qu is..
“Hey Ellie,
What advice do you have for people who struggle with being anxious when they get sick (anxious about asking for time off, anxious about not being productive etc)?”
Hey there!! 👋🏼
Thank god you asked this qu.
I think it’s extra important at this time of year as we either wind down, speed up or ponder what 2025 is going to be all about.
As a productivity-addict by nature, I have a lot of advice for you and our fellow productivity-lovers around the world.
Because I know it’s easy to logically know that you deserve rest and shouldn’t feel bad about it — but how do we actually let go of the guilt?
👀
The short of it:
You may be fusing your identity with being productive and busy, so much so that it defines your
self worth and your life purpose.
Somewhere along the way in capitalism (hello!) or your upbringing or schooling, you got a little confused.
(Like most of us, dw.. not just you!).
Somewhere along our journey to adulthood, we received a very clear message of
”you must be productive, otherwise you are (something negative) and will never achieve (something positive)”.
It is that fear that keeps our anxiety pushing us along to be productive, and if we aren’t, for a very legit reason like being sick…
Our anxiety tells us that we are bad and/or will not have the life we wish for.
If you struggle to give yourself compassion and allow for other things in life (like rest when you need it, joy and freedom that isn’t tied to being productive), then this struggle is only exacerbated and tangles you up further.
You weren’t put on this earth to churn out productivity and burn yourself out.
You also can’t help when you’re sick.
Treating ourselves like this and listening to the anxiety in our heads isn’t sustainable, fair or conducive to a happy fulfilling life.
So….
🌸
What else is your worth?
What is the fear that keeps you going like you don’t deserve rest?
Fear you will get in trouble for slacking, that you will fall behind, make less money?
Be in trouble and viewed negatively?
What IS it?
Sit with that for a second.
What to do:
1. Figure out what it is that makes this especially sticky for you.
What do you get from being a productive hustler?
Praise, self worth, identity?
Is there a role of family modelling or pressure built into you that keeps you feeling guilty?
My remedy to this is to figure out what YOU want in this life.
The tension often comes from you realising that this isn’t the way you want to live your life - which you’ve done.. otherwise you’d be hustling and feeling guilty and not even asking us this question because you think that’s how the world should be.
Then what is programmed into you.
Notice when there is tension and you’re being dragged back into the past or what is in society around you.
See your path your building for yourself, and go along that one.
First step?
Letting yourself off the hook.
2. Is this a realistic, sustainable way to live your life until you’re 65-75 (projected age of retirement over the next few decades)?
The thing is, most of us are going to be working for a whiiiile.
Do you want to reach that age with 40+ years of work where you felt guilty and stressed out of your mind?
Probably not.
3. Sit with discomfort of not being productive.
This is really what it comes down to when you’re moving towards a life YOU create.
You’re going to feel uncomfortable.
Anxious, guilty, lazy, low.
2 things to make sure you don’t indulge the discomfort too much, instead just handling it like a wave coming over you until it passes.
1. Distract yourself.
2. Do something sensually good to ENJOY it (esp. if youre feeling sick!) — Movies, candles, tea, your favourite food.
4. What is the life you want to create?
I’m coming back to this again…
But a few extra qu’s for you to reaaaally click it in place:
1. Does the life you want involve HIGH productivity and smashing goals but also not being able to ENJOY anything because you’re an anxious mess who can’t stop?
We often just do this stuff on a hamster wheel subconsciously — but what would happen if you got there?
Can you even enjoy it?
I find with my fellow perfectionists we have a lot of goals and pressure we put on ourselves to reach said goals (even if that’s just performing well at work all the time).
But… the target moves no matter what your performance is.
So you can’t even see it or enjoy it when you ARE doing well.
This is something I remind myself often.
If I functioned like this for the next few decades, I won’t reach the fulfillment or joy that I am searching for. Because this way of functioning will always convince me to do more, do better and that I don’t deserve to rest and enjoy the fruits of my labour.
So we have to ask ourselves — What is all of this for?
And only you get to decide that.
❤️
Sending you lots of luck + love,
Ellie
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3.3. An Anti-Hustle, Pro-Rest Approach To Work - 10% Happier with Dan Harris
Christina Wallace, a senior lecturer at Harvard business school chats about how rest is NOT the enemy to career — in fact she encourages it!! I mean, if a Harvard lecturer says so…
I see clients for online counselling Australia-wide for issues with family and relationship trauma, anxiety, depression and life direction issues.
* I am able to see clients outside in Australia in select countries, get in touch to clarify.
I am a specialist in adolescent therapy, after specialising in both my degrees, clinical placements and further training in adolescent, youth and family therapy. I run Professional Development trainings and workshops for fellow therapists working with teen counselling.
