How to Change your Life. A Therapy Exercise for Getting out of a Slump.
This week is about:
Why you can’t make the changes you know you need to to live a better life
+ A strategy to give you a kick you in the butt!
Disclaimer: This newsletter provides general advice for educational and entertainment purposes only, it is not intended to be professional therapeutic or medical advice. Please speak with a registered mental health professional or book a session here to receive professional support.
Hey - This blog post is from the 19th edition of my newsletter, ‘Therapy Thursdays’
Therapy Thursdays offers creative, unique perspectives from therapy - involving family therapy and creative therapy to help us navigate 2024.
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Hey Friends,
In the latest news that won’t really be news to you..
We are creatures of comfort.
This ranges from..
Holding onto your ratty teddy from when you were little (even though you know it really needs to go) to..
Choosing partners we know are “not good” for us, but we’re used to the dynamic in some way.
We like comfort.
It means there is no threat.
No threat = no discomfort or anxiety.
Idk about you, but that sounds lovely!
But..
comfort is not always where growth happens and dream lives are created, so…
Let’s dig into why we can’t always make the change we know will be good for us and action to take this week to get the ball rolling.
This weeks qu is..
How to implement the change I’m aware needs to be made?
This is coming from someone who knows what steps she needs to take, but actually implementing it seems impossible!
❤️
👀Oooooft, okay.
Well I won’t waste your precious time or inbox space telling you what you need to do, because it’s clear that you KNOW.
It’s not the KNOWING that is the problem.
It’s just the DOING that is the issue.
🏃🏻🏃🏻🏃🏻
Here are some reasons that i’ve seen in my therapy clients/myself/my friends/my family/the research that may strike a chord with you…
I want you to ponder what resonates to give you some clarity before we move onto the ACTION part.
(Understanding why helps you be aware of it in the future + also means your ACTION will be sustainable - cause you know why you’re doing it!)
Lack of Self Belief
Are you lacking belief in how capable you are of making a change and sticking to it?Anxiety/Fear about changing
Is it anxiety or fear that is holding you back? Anxiety about what the change will bring, what you will be letting go of?Your Identity
Who you are and who you want to be can sometimes be conflicting.
Is this change feeling a little separate to what you usually identify with?
Is there a lack of role modelling in this change? eg. Know you need to set a boundary but haven’t seen role modelling of this appropriately beforeLow Motivation + Discipline
I hate to be this person but…
You may be waiting for the perfect time or mood to strike to do whatever it is.
And from what we know about motivation in our brains..
It actually is a PRODUCT of doing a lot of the time.
It’s not something that happens spontaneously THEN you do something.
It involves you to take a little reluctant step.. then you get on a roll.. then you continue to feel motivated.
Let’s take action.
🌸
Let me share my plan for..
making changes and turning it from your HEAD (what you know you need to do)
into
REALITY (actually doing it!).
👀
In a nutshell, the solution is:
Identify what the resistance is instead of continuing to hope and try and pushing forward but not actually do anything.
* Do you need to process any of that stuff I mentioned above?
* Do you need to find ways to cope with it, as a stepping stone to get you to the action?
Then…
Start small with the action.
Experiment a bit.
See what happens… then..
Reflect to see to believe.
See to believe that you CAN make changes and prove to your brain you’re fine.
Repeat.
Enjoy + feel super proud.
So, this week…
1. Write the little action you’re gonna do.
Make this TINY. You’re likely making it a BIG action hence you not doing anything cause your brain is like aaaah!
Break. It. Down.
Even talking about it would count if you’re too scared to even talk about it.
2. Put it in your calendar. Yes, with a reminder.
Do it for a time you have some time (like a Sunday afternoon).
3. What happens when you are reminded?
4. Write down what happens/what thoughts you have if you don’t do it
5. Deeper processing - what are you losing/gaining by not doing this?
Modelling of past?
Creating new and change is hard and we aren’t always 100% consistent and ready and that’s fine
Could also be timing or your environment (what else is going on?)
There is likely a bigger reason for inaction.
A lack of action is usually the tip of the iceberg we see + think about, but the deeper stuff keeping it there is much larger and unconscious.
What is the lack of action really about?
Take it baby steps.
And you’ll get there before you know it.
Sending you lots of luck + love,
Ellie
Need more support?
Check out my offerings below to get you to the life you have always deserved 💌
Have you got a bursting qu or issue you want some help with?
I’d love to help.
💌Submit it for next weeks newsletter!💌
💡 If you’d like to dig further into
here are 4 options to keep your growth going!
1. Let’s go deeper in a 1-1 therapy session to customise therapy for you.
It’s likely that your challenges with letting go are attached to something deeper.
The impact your modelling has had on you as an individual is extremely unique, and needs a curated approach tailored just for you.
I’m here for you when you’re ready.
I’d love to get to know you and support you 1-1.
Book a session here
I see clients for online counselling Australia-wide for issues with family and relationship trauma, anxiety, depression and life direction issues.
* I am able to see clients outside in Australia in select countries, get in touch to clarify.
I am a specialist in adolescent therapy, after specialising in both my degrees, clinical placements and further training in adolescent, youth and family therapy. I run Professional Development trainings and workshops for fellow therapists working with teen counselling.
