Lost in your life direction in your 20s? Stop making choices that don’t create the life you want.
Where do your decisions that have created the life that you’re living right now come from?
Fear and wounds? Or your genuine authentic self?
Heres how to figure it out.
Sooooo… hate to break it to ya, but we are human beings.
Which unfortunately means:
We are mostly driven unconsciously every day to do things to survive.
This is good for eating, sleeping, reacting to day-to-day issues where your brain takes things in and performs a solution to a problem.
Eg. I’m hungry, I don’t think about what is involved in my muscles activating in my legs to move me over to the fridge to reach for another tub of hummus that I tell myself i’ll save all week but devour in a day.
No, I just move and consume and regret like the rest of humanity.
But, this unconscious drive becomes a problem when it creates a life we actually really don’t love or even want and feel lost in how to change things.
Me loving life with some thrift finds in Victoria, BC, Canada.
Coming from a family of shopping passionates, I need to check myself and ask “why am I buying this? what will it bring me? am I holding myself back from something out of fear? Am I only buying to impress?” etc etc. Unsurprisingly, the self awareness doesn’t always win.
Drive is defined as:
AKA doing something to get a need met, to bring you back to equilibrium (satisfaction).
We make unhealthy choices to bring us back to satisfaction.
People say rude things to have their ego stroked (satisfaction).
People choose unhealthy relationships to meet their emotional needs, not knowing that they are just continuing patterns of insecure attachment and won’t actually have their needs met
You comfort eat for short-term satisfaction
We choose jobs for money or titles which we think will give us the satisfaction
I feel the need to hide things and brag about other things to be perceived in a more positive way to be satisfied in people liking me more (I can resist this most of the time, buuuut we’re all human so i’ll admit it wins sometimes).
If you are feeling lost in your life direction, I need you to ask yourself:
Where have my decisions, choices, actions, intentions, goals been coming from?
Have I been choosing things in my life based on random such as people liking me more, not upsetting people, going along with what others expect of me, trying to compare myself to what others are doing, doing what sounds/looks good? Or have I not even thought about it at all and i’ve just been cruising along and now i’m… unhappy and confused?
Here’s how to tell if your choices in your life are out of
a) fear
or
b) genuine YOU-ness:
When you are making a new decision or reflecting on an old one, ask yourself:
How does it feel in my body? Anxiety, pressure, ego, pride? Does my full body say yes or no?
Are people going to like me more as a result of this? Is that attractive to me? (maybe rethink..)
Do I enjoy the process, or am I JUST tied to an outcome and doing it for that thing? eg. To achieve a certain title, relationship, thing.
What is the need, want and drive inside of me?
The drive and need is usually the same inside of us (eg. to be seen, loved, fulfilled) - but how we get that need or drive met varies from
unhealthy <—-> healthy.
Do things out of genuine intention,
not fear.
And you will begin to create a life that is entirely YOURS, and love it
every single day.
Do you want individualised, tailored support to create your best life,
with all the best tips n tricks of the counselling trade?
Book a session here and let’s get started on creating the life you deserve
Not quite ready for a session yet?
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here —> feeling clear, aligned and FUN again
About Cocoon
I’m an Australian born n bred clinical counsellor currently living, loving and working on the unceded lands of the Lekwungen People in Victoria, British Columbia, Canada.
Out of my own frustrations from working in and researching youth mental health across the past decade seeing clients with anxiety, depression, relationship issues and feeling lost in who they are, I created Cocoon Mental Health, providing sessions, workshops and content for those of us who want to move on from our family issues and thrive in this big, sometimes confusing life.
Cocoon uses a chilled-out, creative approach to therapy (no boring, clinical b.s here!) with the belief that you can do and be all the things you want to - because you’ve always deserved more.
