What do we do when change is out of our control, making us super duper anxious?
2025 has been off to such a stellar start as i’ve been loving meeting some new faces + connecting back with my current clients to work on their goals for 2025.
If you need some extra help with your life vision for 2025, book in here or pop me an email at ellie@cocoonmentalhealth.com if you have any qu’s before we hang out - always happy to chat + steer you in the right direction!
*I can see clients worldwide apart from Canada and the US, just make sure your timezone is correct upon time of booking!
This week is about:
When things feel out of control, double down into what you know.
Disclaimer: This newsletter provides general advice for educational and entertainment purposes only, it is not intended to be professional therapeutic or medical advice. Please speak with a registered mental health professional or book a session here to receive professional support.
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Hey Friends,
It’s a new year.
You know what that means?
Apart from resolutions that don’t last more than a month + pressure to become a whole new human being…
The new year usually brings change.
Change can be really, really good.
Holidays, new food, rearranging your furniture to recreate the Miss Honey scene in Matilda
(if you know you know)..
It can also be really anxiety provoking and feel like the rug has been pulled from underneath you,
with no rug to replace it… so you feel like you’re just orbiting around in space trying to find your footing.
This weeks qu is..
❤️
How to work through anxiety from not having any control during big life changes
(moving, house hunting, job hunting, etc.)?
Weewwww, they are big life changes! So I 100% get why you’d be feeling anxious.
Let’s start with what happens to us when we experience change out of our control that makes it so hard to move on with.
Your brain WHOLEHEARTEDLY struggles with change.
Our minds interpret our environment (change) as danger and threat to our safety.
Our mind goes “ah! change!”
= Not safe
= Anxiety increases to try and worry to keep me safe
= Looking for anything and everything negative about this situation
This is EXTRA tricky if we have:
Low confidence/Self belief
Are you lacking belief in how capable you are of making a change and sticking to it?Existing anxiety/worry about our future
We’re already pro’s at spiralling! Yay!Identity that is going to change
If the change is to do with who you are..
eg. Moving somewhere you don’t feel aligned to, moving somewhere you REALLY want so it puts extra pressure on it, leaving a job/relationship that defined you..History of things not going well when they’ve changed, unstable childhoods/relationships etc., so change is automatically a message to your brain that things are going to go awfully, terribly wrong.
If one of those resonates… note that for what we’re going to do next.
How to Handle Anxiety About Change and No Control
(in 3 easy steps 🫡)
1. Break down your fear
Ok, let’s get real. What’s really making you anxious?
Get specific.
Is it the uncertainty? The feeling that you won’t be okay?
Take a moment to list what you're scared of exactly.
The more specific, the better.
Is your mind thinking of the worst case scenario?
Is this linked to past events or core beliefs that you won’t survive or things feel doomed?
I’m not going to say “don’t worry!” and just “ignore the thoughts!” because I know that’s near impossible when you’re anxious about the change.
But is there anything you can think of that proves those ruminations wrong?
2. Make peace with what you’re having to let go of
Change always involves some form of loss — even if it's just the comfort of the familiar. Give yourself permission to grieve what’s shifting. Whether it's a routine, a place, or a person, it’s okay to feel sad about what’s changing. Letting go is a part of growth.
Sometimes I like to do a little ritual, might sound weird but i’ll burn paper or rip things up or just write a letter to myself to say goodbye.
Other times, I just need to put my hands on my chest, take a deep breath and go
"I am grieving (this thing/time/period), this is really hard”.
Again, it’s not about “fixing” our emotions — but feeling them so they can move through us.
3. Hold onto what is familiar and comforting while you’re going into the “new”
Okay so a lot of our coping with big changes (good and bad) has to do with a balance of:
a) adapting to new changes
b) integrating the past to give us comfort, so it’s not too much change at one time
Eg.
Is there something from your "old life" that still brings you joy?
Maybe it's a favourite food, a routine, music, clothes, or a place you can return to for comfort.
When things are changing in one area (eg. job) — double down in the stability in other areas (routines you like, relationships).
Also, what long-term benefit might this change bring?
What’s the bigger picture? What’s waiting for you down the road?
I find this super hard to do when i’m spiraling out in anxious thinking but it is important to bring us back to what matters (also remind you that you will be okay).
🍳 !! EXTRA exercise if you’re feeling up to it! 🍳
Draw an egg on the page.
Yes, I said an egg.
With a yolk and everything,
so like a sunny side up egg.
- Write IN the yolk what is in your control rn.
- Write in the white gooey bit what is NOT in your control rn.
How much is in each section?
Sometimes there’s nothing in our yolk, which is really hard.
This exercise doesn’t solve anything. But having it visually in front of you can help process and make sense of what you’re going through and what you need to do next.
Maybe it’s just to sit with it.
Maybe it’s focussing on something good.
Maybe it’s to take action.
Whatever it is, know that you WILL have some control soon.
Do what you can and then make peace with letting it go, knowing you will be ok (because you have yourself, and you’re your biggest superpower I promise).
❤️
Change is really, really hard.
Sometimes all you can do is try not to spiral, try to manage the discomfort and do what you can to distract yourself while you wait.
It’s the grey zone you’re in.
But it can also be a great time to remember who you are, challenge yourself and have faith that you’re going to be okay.
Sending you lots of luck + love,
Ellie
Oh also! I’ve got a little podcast rec for you…
A podcast for you to listen to if you’re more of a solo learner..
Dealing with anxious and stressful thoughts - Do You F*cking Mind
This is really good podcast ep giving a walk through of tangible ways to deal with your anxiety. Highly recommend!!!
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I see clients for online counselling Australia-wide for issues with family and relationship trauma, anxiety, depression and life direction issues.
* I am able to see clients outside in Australia in select countries, get in touch to clarify.
I am a specialist in adolescent therapy, after specialising in both my degrees, clinical placements and further training in adolescent, youth and family therapy. I run Professional Development trainings and workshops for fellow therapists working with teen counselling.
