Breaking the Cycle: How Childhood Trauma Defines Our Adult Relationships
If you experienced trauma growing up, it does not have to mean you are doomed.
But it IS worth looking at to make sure it isn’t subconsciously ruining your chances of having the healthy, loving relationship you wish for.
Childhood trauma disrupts attachment, leading to insecure relationships later in life.
An upbringing full of disconnection, threats to physical and emotional safety, fear, low emotional connection disrupts the natural process of a child being securely attached to their parent.
This childhood attachment stays with us.
It is our script for how we perceive others, how we trust and rely on others and how we react in relationships.What is SUPER interesting is the research find I came across.
Research shows a significant correlation between unstable or abusive childhoods and infidelity in future romantic relationships 😓
In fact, it's identified as a PRIMARY outcome.
AKA people who have experienced traumatic childhoods are MORE LIKELY to cheat on their romantic partner than any other factor like low self-esteem.
Isn’t that wild?!?!?!?!
While the study doesn't provide a comprehensive explanation, insights from clinical experiences shed light on potential reasons:
Trauma survivors may engage in self-sabotage, viewing others as threats.
Trust issues arise from a lack of healthy relationship modeling.
A fractured sense of self and safety can manifest in destructive behaviors like cheating.
But what does this mean for our current relationships?
Studies indicate that childhood trauma affects how we perceive trust and handle conflict in adult relationships.
Trauma survivors may perceive their partners as less trustworthy and anticipate more conflict than actually exists.
This leads to a pretty depressing forecast for healthy relationships, as a lot of people who had trauma in their childhoods find it challenging to heal and rebuild their attachment styles to trust and love in healthy ways.
If this resonates with you, here's a proactive approach:
🔥 Pause before reacting. Write down your impulses—whether it's to argue, flee, or lash out.
🍀 Recognize these reactions as responses to past hurt. Consider what partners you choose?
Are they avoidant or anxious? Do they respond to your needs, or not?
Do you choose partners who recreate parts of what you didn’t have, or had in childhood?
What is behind these choices? (A search for validation, for fulfilment, for attention)
🌊 Employ tools to regulate your nervous system for a calmer, more thoughtful response.
Choose differently.
By acknowledging and addressing the impact of childhood trauma, we can cultivate healthier, more fulfilling relationships.
Thank you so much for being here.
I’d love to get to know you and support you 1-1.
Book a session here
I am a counsellor specialising in adolescents and young adults struggling with anxiety, adjustment issues, depression, self esteem and family-based trauma and grief.
I have worked, studied and specialised in children and adolescents for almost 10 years.
I offer online counselling sessions across Australia for young people, please don’t hesitate to
get in touch if you have any qu’s or want to book a free 15 min chat before our session, so I can answer any qu’s and we can make sure we’re a good fit!
Essentials for Working with Adolescents - Online Professional Development Workshop, for Australian Counsellors
10am-1pm (AEST)
Tuesday, 23 April 2024
Online, Australia-wide via Zoom
This course counts towards 3 hours of category A CPD.
An attendance certificate will be available upon completion.