Why Comparing your Life Direction to Others is Poison to Purpose
Straight from the therapy room to your inbox.
This week is about:
How to put the cliche “comparison is the thief of joy” into real action,
so it doesn’t sabotage your satisfaction with your life path.
Disclaimer: Cocoon provides general advice for educational and entertainment purposes only. Information on this website and in the newsletter is not intended to be professional therapeutic or medical advice. Please speak with a registered mental health professional or book a session here to confirm if this is right for you.
Hey Friends,
As a kid, when I did swimming races I used to hit the dividers by accident (the plastic things that divvy up the lanes).
1. It hurt my little arms
2. It made me a slower swimmer
3. I probably looked silly
Now, I was a strong swimmer so that wasn’t the issue.
The issue was that I was hitting the lanes because I was looking at the lane next to me, to see where everyone else was up to to make sure I wasn’t last.
In my attempts to avoid being last, I seriously screwed myself over.
That memory is all I could think about this morning when I received this question.
The question of the week is:
My question is..: Struggling with life & career direction, too much comparisons between people around me.
All over just a tad lost.
ust like my 8 year old self trying to gain more control and avoid losing…
Comparison happens when you are insecure.
Comparison also slows you down in doing what you are meant to do.
Let’s dive deeper to gain clarity on where you’re going and feel damn good about it!
The 3 key phrases in this issue are:
Life/career direction
Comparisons to others around you
Being lost
These are ALL all connected by an overarching theme of judgement.
Good. Bad. Not enough of this, too much of that.
The big question to ask yourself to weed through all of the comparison BS our brains like to do, is:
What. do. you. want?
What do you want?
Do those other people have that thing?
Or is what they are doing something that you don’t reaaally want, but it looks like it would get you belonging, “success”, control?
What kind of validation do you want here?
I knooow this is a cliche but..
Your validation is the only one that will GIVE you direction and sustainable satisfaction, because if anyone else’s ideas worked for you - you probably would’ve just picked one of their life paths and thought yeah cool i’ll do that!
As a therapist, to me often feeling “lost” is a code word for:
1. I’m searching for external validation or meaning to overhaul and change my life dramatically
or
2. I know what I want at the deep core of myself, but I don’t trust myself enough to go and try those things consistently for it to work out.
🌩️The journal prompts:
So here’s what I want you to do:
✍🏻 Grab paper and a pen.
Turn your page horizontally.
Mark 3 points - on the left side at the start of the line, 5 years ago.
in the middle - Now (2024).
On the right hand side - in 5 years.
2. ✍🏻 5 years ago - Detail every bit of your every day life back then.
Job, feelings, relationships, confidence.
3. ✍🏻 Now - Detail every bit of your life NOW, same as above.
Include “lost” or another word here for how you’re feeling.
4. ✍🏻 In 5 years - What do you want that is not here now? Who is that version of you? What do they do, how do they feeL?
Now a word of caution - this is NOT goal setting or manifesting.
This is for you to drop in, be honest with yourself, reflect on how far you’ve come and notice what the gaps are currently.
A few words might come out, a whole novel might come out - just go with it.
Then i’m going to ask you, my friend…
What do you notice looking down at the page now it’s mapped out like this?
What is your future self like? Do you imagine them as happy, warm, joyful?
How can your future self BE WITH YOU now?
- This may look like being more empathetic, more kind to yourself
- Inspire some action to go after something you’ve been putting off
The process for life direction is in 2 parts.
1. Clarify what YOU want
(make sure any judgments or comparisons are motivating - not useless comparisons you don’t REALLY care about or make you feel horrible)
2. Honour where you are right now.
Because a lot of the life direction stuff is like quicksand - you’re going to be more likely to be fine and find that path if you are open, calm and gentle with yourself.
Creativity is required for genuine life direction and purpose-making. And the best creativity can only be unlocked in your brain when you are open and relaxed, not stressed and feeling low about yourself.
Here’s a podcast ep to explore comparison further, settle in because it’s a good one!
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