You’re burning out because you’re not fulfilled with your life. Let’s fix that.

This week is about:
Burnout is a code red for “you’re not living the right life”.

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Hey - This blog post is from the 7th edition of my newsletter, ‘Therapy Thursdays’
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Hey Friends,

Sometimes we find ourselves in a stressful season of life, where we have no choice but to..

push push push —> burn out —> collapse in a heap —>
come back —> keep going.

But…. if you keep repeating the burnout cycle and you can stop for a moment and listen to what’s really going on deep inside of you…

you might find that burnout isn’t the problem after all.

Let’s explore.

The question of the week is:

My Question is.. 
I need steps to come back from extreme burnout

Emily Nagoski found three key stages of burnout through her research:

1. Emotional Exhaustion: Feel drained, overwhelmed and detaching from work or life.

2. Depersonalization or Cynicism: Distance emotionally, detach and numb our feelings.

3. Reduced Personal Accomplishment: Doubt ourselves, feel unproductive, low in our worth and feel a sense of failure in our lives.

To be completely honest with you..

When I see myself or my clients in any of these stages, it actually YELLS
”I am not living the authentic life for me, and I don’t know how to reconnect with myself”.

Now, if you have extreme stress or trauma occurring - take this with a grain of salt, as coping best you can is all you can likely do right now.

But for most of us - it’s a giant red waving flag screaming
”You are not living the life you are meant to!!!!!!! Please take this as a signal, take a look and change it up!!!”

First, let’s talk about how to
recover from burnout.
✍🏻 Here are the steps below..

1. Rest. Rest. Aand when you think you’re rested, take another 6 hours of ressssst.

This doesn’t have to look like sleeping all day, this is whatever YOU find restful and fun. 

More play, more joy, more time for your nervous system to be in deep rest. Some ideas include:

• The boring basics - food, 8 hours of sleep, no alcohol/drugs, lower screen time, see people who you adore and fill your cup

• Spend time with friends who make you laugh (laughter puts you in safety which = restful for your brain and body)

• Time outside in nature

• Saying no to more things for the next few weeks

• Taking a few days leave from work/study/other if possible

---

If you feel stuck and like you can’t live life like this anymore..

This second step is the most important and game changing.

Research estimates that 95 percent of how we act, how we feel and what decisions we make come from our subconscious.

This is like a car automatically driving itself, continuing to crash into walls, reverse, crash into the wall again. Because its software hasn’t been updated.

So, I am asking you (well.. lovingly telling you) to manually take yourself out of auto-drive. Sit. Reflect. So we can change direction to something that is more healthy and quite simply - makes you feel better.

We need a strategy to change things up, to create a life revolving around fun, passion and fulfilment so you don’t run into the same burnout again and again.

🧘🏽 Here we go 🧘🏽

1. Sit in a quiet space, reflect.
   Most burnout happens because we don’t take the time to be still and reflect brutally honestly with ourselves where we’re giving too much to things we don’t care about or don’t feel fulfilled by.
   
   If you need something to help you sit, here’s a meditation I really like to get you in the zone if you struggle to sit still.

2. We’re going to get real and honest on why you’re burning out.
   It’s unlikely that you’re perfect and make 100% of your decisions based on bravery and tenacity (cause you’re a human).
   
   It’s more likely that you haven’t thought about these things, or have been avoiding these things (cause you know the truth and it’s scary).
   
   So, here is how to get honest with yourself so you can make effective change.

   
   💡 Ask these questions to yourself in your head, on paper if you want to journal or discuss with a friend/therapist/partner 💡

• What am I hustling for?

• What am I trying to prove?

• What am I trying to avoid feeling or experiencing? (conflict with others if I say no, fear from changing my career path)

• Understanding that life is finite (an uncomfortable truth that we all forget) .. What is running myself into the ground for unfulfilling reasons really going to do?

• Will the stressors magically change one day, or do I need to make some possibly scary choices about how I live my life?

• Are you living a life that you genuinely feel you’re meant to live?

• Did you create this life with FULL intention?

• What do I actually want in my life? Is my burning out getting me there at all?

• Or did I just fall into this life and it’s generally unsatisfying, stressful and boring and i’m too afraid to change it?

See what happens when you reflect on those questions.

You’re probably going to want to jump into action taking and making big changes to have a solution, most of us have this natural reaction!

But I really want you to trust what comes up.

The more self trust you can have (rather than searching for a perfect fix and answer someone gave you in a newsletter..) - the more you will create a fulfilling life and not end up here again.

💌 I’ll share some things that often come up for me when I do this exercise:

1. I’m saying yes way too much because i’m afraid of saying no (people pleasing hellooooo!). But then I end up resenting the person/occasion and feel worse. So I need to bite the bullet and say no first.

2. I put way too much pressure on myself to do everything right now and it needs to be PERFECT. Ironically, I do my shittiest work and i’m my worst therapist/friend/partner/daughter when I do anything from this place anyway.

Go slowly, so you can go in the right direction.

Lots of love,

Ellie

Here’s a book recommendation and a podcast ep to give you more guidance on how to create a fun, authentic life.

Big Magic - Elizabeth Gilbert

Rick Rubin on Creativity, Authenticity and Living A Meaningful Life

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💌Submit it for next weeks newsletter!💌

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